Endings are hard no matter how much it might change our lives for the better. A part of us dies with the past and we must go on without it. Death, for example, takes a heavy toll on us.
Throughout our lives, we go through natural changes. We are born vulnerable and thrusted into the world, needing someone to care for us. Our first ending (of life in the womb) just happened. We are now a babe, then tot, child, youth, adult, senior. Our relationships go from parent to siblings, family, friends, playmates, bullies, social mates, love mates, casual mates and so on. We enter school, high school, college or university, job, and retirement. Our strengths go from dependent to mobile, co-dependent, relationships, and once again dependent. So many endings and beginnings happen throughout our lives.
A marriage is between two people and then dependents like family, children, and social circles. So many attachments form through the activity of each mate and then children if any. Life sometimes takes a toll on marriage too. Not only is the toll from everyday life but from the past of each mate. What we bring into the marriage causes reactions in so many ways that the couple may decide to separate. Whether short- or long-term marriage or a familiarity of life together for many years, the toll – the personal impact – is great. The emotions arise through a myriad of things – failure, lost innocence, togetherness rendered, the unknown, support torn, familiarity gone (What then?), rediscovery of oneself, trust dissolved and so on. Whether the ending is a good one or not, does it matter? It is an ending on the most personal level. How much more personal could you know a person? So, the tears flow and the heart breaks. We know in our hearts we will survive, but will it be the same? Probably not.
An ending is an ending.
We can bury it and pretend it didn’t happen or matter much; but it did. What we have to accept is that there was a loss; and the more we come to terms with that loss, the better we will recover from it. It hurts worse at the beginning but in time, it will be more acceptable. We grieve, get angry, cry till we run out of tears, regurgitate it, talk till we have no more words; but, in time, it will lessen even as it is still remembered. It is equivalent to a scar – healed, but still visible and felt.
So how should you deal with an ending? Let it rest till you can make sense of it. Place one foot in front of the other even if it feels like neither foot moves much. Time helps in the healing process. Be kind to yourself and others involved, especially children. Everyone is feeling a loss not just you. It will feel like you are going on a journey but you don’t have a map, directions or a final destination. In time, you will look back and know the destination though now you don’t.
Now is the time to clean – your closets, mind, past remembrances, past hurts. Move on to a happier you. The more you understand what has happened and your part in it, the better your life will become – not only for you, but your children and your past social circle. It all begins with you. This is a chance for you to become the better you that you could be. Know yourself and know what is true for you. It is time.